I dream of the day when I don't have to hold back in my writing.
I mask many of my thoughts behind references in the music. I let the songs tell my story. Pop culture has
become somewhat of a religion. Right and wrong are pretty simple to learn
through stories. My last post, Day N
Night: The Rise of the 8s seems to be bothering me. I think I presented mixed
emotions and went a little dark. I live by the lyrics which doesn’t always make
this fun. Just like life a song can be complicated especially when it’s
designed to mean something. Kid Cudi talked about not holding back in his
interview in Complex this month and I feel like I have been holding back for a
long time because there are moments when my title has to dictate my behaviors.
I mean I stray from the suit as much I possibly can but realistically I
struggle with idea of selling out every day. I did it for all the wrong reasons;
just to be closer to someone I thought I loved. Then guess what happened? Jealously and betrayal overcame love when even
if I was shining bright. It wasn’t me being selfish either. I work my ass off to
inspire and bring up someone with me but the end result was the image of me
being a pushy asshole. I don’t think I deserved your personal disrespect. You didn't have to tear my heart out to get
my attention. You weren't there watching me struggle with my dreams as tried to
find balance all alone. I just keep wondering why I am not worth the challenge
and why do the ones that I want to stay put in a position to leave. I am finding
the gift of believing in myself. I understand in order to win I must become my
biggest fan.
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