ADDERALL ENVY IN THE FUN-LITE

Every time I lite I light up a cigarette my mind goes to place wondering if there is forgiveness somewhere in this chain. Maybe my connection is weak but I don't feel you feel you reading my shit. I don't feel your presence and this shit's not really fun anymore. Yeah I have been doing a lot lately but it's still not as hot as that one bedroom apartment with the Saint Bernard door. I said I didn't really give a fuck just so long as one person reads. Multiply that my the hundreds I guess I exceeded my expectations. The truth is you are the only person I hoped would read. I know I can be convincing but I wonder what fuck did I do? I said all the right words for you and pushed you to that insecure bitch is bed. I keep saying time is on my side and I shouldn't worry because I have forever right? I feel the burden of having to live for the both of us because I know that fun factor is being divided in your life. You might have questioned my motives and my reasoning's of why I didn't jump on it when I had the chance. The truth is I had to get a little payback on that trick that was played but the I heard it in your own words...you said what the two of you have goes beyond you and me...I am sorry but my ego won't let me believe you while you were gassing some dude up. I wonder if this is my destiny lost in my own words. I guess it is a tad bit healthier than being caught up in the characters and not knowing who I am. I just want you to know I have became the man you said I would never be. My destiny is amazing and my soul has advanced more than you can even believed. It's not like I am sitting at home and crying for you more like I kick back and I wonder sometime. This world continues to try to defeat me and I want you to know I am far from peace. The music is my only motivation these days. It let's me know I am not alone anymore. You use to say I am one of kind which if you ask me was nice way of calling me an asshole. I am not alone anymore. There are more us out there expressing ourselves freely and not being binded by the stigmas of society and telling people just what they want to hear. It's kinda of crazy that I still stick to the shades of gray of life. I can't commit to anyone but myself and I continue to discover....it's looking more and more that I am going die alone these days but and I stopped waiting for you awhile back. I continue to move forward and try figure out where my place is in the Revolution. I get closer every day to finding it. The list of leaders is thin. I feel sold out by someone that really isn't anything more than one of my adoring fans on the low. I can feel his eyes on my words. You better be learning how to love what's on my mind. I know I am right because we will meet again In-Sucka Cure because I am the cure to your spazzed out diseased mind. I just play on your emotions but fuck you I can't wait till your dead. I guess I am a bad guy, was it something I said? I guess I am going to just keep running at the speed of light searching for the unattainable. I am getting tired but as long as your not listening I guess I have something write about out. I don't really dream much anymore. I noticed when you are living every moment to fullest your subconscious just rests when you close your eyes but I still see your face right before the sun comes out.