IN THE LAND OF MISFIT TOYS

I think about all the time. What the fuck did I get myself into. This Lifestyle is getting the best of me. I figured I would get into it and be a cliche. You know be one those stereotypes that partied until the sun came up. I was always able to maintain my professional life and the party life. It wasn't always easy. It was like living two lives and I had my very own Gemini to learn from. Yeah we learned from one another but we also hurt each other while we hurt ourselves. The truth really doesn't sting today because in away escaping the scene was my own personal victory. The real question I ask myself is did I escape with my sanity or did I learn how to be a very good actor. I have become a professional when it comes to controlling emotions. Today is different. I try to go against conventional wisdom when it comes to title dictating behavior. There was is no real in this lifestyle. Your dealing with the insecurities of every man, every woman coming at you like a bunch of knives. Don't get stabbed because your going to bleed. How did I survive in the land of misfit toys? It took everything from within to keep my identity. I was distracted with pills and thrills and twist and the turns. Maybe there is such things as angels because I swear we all should have been dead that night I was drinking and driving. All in the name of love for music and love for a person that sold me a bill of lies. You know what? I would do anything to look cool and man I looked cool doing it all. My demeanor never changed until I really thought about it. The Bat-Mobile became Harvey Dent then Harvey became my ultimate karma in life. I deserved that loss and was lucky I didn't loose my best friend that night. I guess I subconsciously was trying to commit suicide because I knew was living a lie. I was lying to myself. My trail of disaster. My 808s. My attempt at being what they all told me I was suppose to be. I decided I didn't want to play with your toys anymore. I was ready to come back home.