OBLIGATION

My only real obligation is too my mother. The ego of some of these people though. I know so many of you think this shit is about you. I wonder why you think it’s about you. Why because we fuck or fucked or you think I still care about your fucking ass you fucking fuck. I am not going to apologize for squeezing the word fuck so many times into one sentence but I just don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck what you got. I don’t give a fuck what you want. I am obligated to my own agenda. I bet you think it’s all about you? We HATE on each other FAM. We are traveling through some cautious times. Respect is being lost and my suggestion is you should be careful who and what you trust in because we are looking around for each other and no one is really around. It’s a GOD DAMN shame but I am not here to judge.  I worry about the individual because at the end of night it’s all we really have. Those that can stand on their own feet and balance life will survive. Fucking excuses for why you are so selfish I don’t want to hear that shit. The opening for best friend in the whole wide world has been open in my heart for so long as I toss it around to junkies and the soulless. They don’t deserve it. You better get it together quick FAM it’s lonely when you are a selfish asshole because death is our only guarantee. I would think life would have taught you a few lessons but you are ignorant to it all and make excuses twisting your own perception.  We don’t believe you. You think you are real good. I wish you the best but this really isn’t about those that want it to be about them. Open your eyes FAM before it’s too late. My only real obligation is to my mother and that’s based on love and you better hope you made an impact in your life you and that same someone has that same obligation towards you. I hope you find something that’s based on love underneath the things you collect. My trophies are my words and I am only obligated to live by them. Those demons you hold on to are going to eat you alive. A bitter heart means an empty soul. I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it in your vibe.  

Fucking With My Soul

I guess I say a little too much every now and then. I guess my weakness is I communicate versus hide it all. I am an open book and yeah I put it all out there for your enjoyment. Every moment well I guess that makes me the ring leader of this circus. They are sucking the creativity right out my soul from the tap like fucking vampires. They make me miserable and they are trying to program my put they bullshit chip in my brain. Yes, I volunteered for this a censored strip right over my mouth and they probably think they are winning. They think they know what to expect. Maybe I am giving everyone way too much credit but at I know now that they hate me. I can feel your words by the fucking vibe every time I walk in the room. I have the satisfaction of knowing that all you motherfuckers fear me because you know my history. I can put the devil's thoughts back my head meaning I can come up with something evil. The crazy part is the shit has never left my heart.  It eats away at me and it's killing me. I am not ready to die so you have to understand it's either me or you and I hope you are reading this. The scary part is I don't have to revert to my old ways because I know more now. Guess I am learning all my lessons for the entire world to see. My body fits your cooperate image my soul scream and I want to FUCK IT ALL. So I guess I need to be a little quieter. My silence can be deadly. You should be worried that I am writing again. You should be worried that I am making some fucking noise. 

MY TICKET TO WRESTLEMANIA 29

About a year ago at Wrestlemania 28 I declared I was going to be at next year's event. The fact that the host city was just outside New York made me even more excited about the show. I love everything about New York. Sometimes in life things don’t go exactly the way you envisioned them. Reality started to sink in as the months progressed that it would be mathematically impossible to attend the event. Doubts begin to sink in regarding the situation and my days became very dark. I wasn't upset because I couldn't attend another wrestling show; heaven knows I have attended more shows than my boyhood dreams would allow me to believe. The issue was not being able to live up to my word.  I couldn’t follow through on something I wanted and it started to depress me. The thought of having to watch this event on PPV started to shake my confidence. I started to dread the day because there was no hope for a ticket and I only had myself to blame. I didn't plan properly but more importantly I didn't save up the way I should have, so in a way I deserved to miss out on this event.  I gave up on the idea of going but I never lost the ability to dream.  It was dreary day in the Chicago Suburbs.  It was much colder than normal so staying in for the night seemed like the logical thing to do. My dinner plans fell through so I decided to prepare a pathetic supper for one.  It was just another average Tuesday the 12th in March. Seven dollars of groceries later I had a five dollar bill left in my wallet. I saw the scratch off lottery machine and said, "Why not." I had been on hiatus from scratch tickets because my $10 a week habit wasn't really paying off. I splurged and had to think about what ticket to buy because the one I wanted was sold out. I selected one $5 Hit 1000 ticket and begin to walk back to my car. I lighted up a cigarette and thought maybe I could win back my grocery money which was always my goal in these situations. I scratched away and got to final line and thought, "I didn't win shit."  It was expected after all my luck had been so miserable of late.  I scratched the second number on the last light and kind of passed up the number 12. I continued to scratch the rest of the line as my mind processed the possibility that I may have just won. Still in doubt I looked at the amount under the 12. My hand began to shake and my mind was filled with disbelief. I actually had to verify each letter under each number to convince myself I had won. I had Hit $1000 just like the ticket had said. There wasn’t any doubt from the moment I won what I was going to do with the money. I had given up on the idea but never gave up on the dream. I pulled it all off with luck and pure desire. This was the magic number that became my ticket Wrestlemania 29. My road to Wrestlemania had finally begun…