Fucking With My Soul

I guess I say a little too much every now and then. I guess my weakness is I communicate versus hide it all. I am an open book and yeah I put it all out there for your enjoyment. Every moment well I guess that makes me the ring leader of this circus. They are sucking the creativity right out my soul from the tap like fucking vampires. They make me miserable and they are trying to program my put they bullshit chip in my brain. Yes, I volunteered for this a censored strip right over my mouth and they probably think they are winning. They think they know what to expect. Maybe I am giving everyone way too much credit but at I know now that they hate me. I can feel your words by the fucking vibe every time I walk in the room. I have the satisfaction of knowing that all you motherfuckers fear me because you know my history. I can put the devil's thoughts back my head meaning I can come up with something evil. The crazy part is the shit has never left my heart.  It eats away at me and it's killing me. I am not ready to die so you have to understand it's either me or you and I hope you are reading this. The scary part is I don't have to revert to my old ways because I know more now. Guess I am learning all my lessons for the entire world to see. My body fits your cooperate image my soul scream and I want to FUCK IT ALL. So I guess I need to be a little quieter. My silence can be deadly. You should be worried that I am writing again. You should be worried that I am making some fucking noise. 

MY TICKET TO WRESTLEMANIA 29

About a year ago at Wrestlemania 28 I declared I was going to be at next year's event. The fact that the host city was just outside New York made me even more excited about the show. I love everything about New York. Sometimes in life things don’t go exactly the way you envisioned them. Reality started to sink in as the months progressed that it would be mathematically impossible to attend the event. Doubts begin to sink in regarding the situation and my days became very dark. I wasn't upset because I couldn't attend another wrestling show; heaven knows I have attended more shows than my boyhood dreams would allow me to believe. The issue was not being able to live up to my word.  I couldn’t follow through on something I wanted and it started to depress me. The thought of having to watch this event on PPV started to shake my confidence. I started to dread the day because there was no hope for a ticket and I only had myself to blame. I didn't plan properly but more importantly I didn't save up the way I should have, so in a way I deserved to miss out on this event.  I gave up on the idea of going but I never lost the ability to dream.  It was dreary day in the Chicago Suburbs.  It was much colder than normal so staying in for the night seemed like the logical thing to do. My dinner plans fell through so I decided to prepare a pathetic supper for one.  It was just another average Tuesday the 12th in March. Seven dollars of groceries later I had a five dollar bill left in my wallet. I saw the scratch off lottery machine and said, "Why not." I had been on hiatus from scratch tickets because my $10 a week habit wasn't really paying off. I splurged and had to think about what ticket to buy because the one I wanted was sold out. I selected one $5 Hit 1000 ticket and begin to walk back to my car. I lighted up a cigarette and thought maybe I could win back my grocery money which was always my goal in these situations. I scratched away and got to final line and thought, "I didn't win shit."  It was expected after all my luck had been so miserable of late.  I scratched the second number on the last light and kind of passed up the number 12. I continued to scratch the rest of the line as my mind processed the possibility that I may have just won. Still in doubt I looked at the amount under the 12. My hand began to shake and my mind was filled with disbelief. I actually had to verify each letter under each number to convince myself I had won. I had Hit $1000 just like the ticket had said. There wasn’t any doubt from the moment I won what I was going to do with the money. I had given up on the idea but never gave up on the dream. I pulled it all off with luck and pure desire. This was the magic number that became my ticket Wrestlemania 29. My road to Wrestlemania had finally begun…

BAYOU CORNE SINKHOLE

SIGN THE PETITION

300 People were evacuated from their homes back in August of 2012 in Bayou Corne, Louisiana due to Sinkhole that is currently 200 feet in diameter. The Sinkhole disaster has forced families to live in motels, and campgrounds while Texas Brine Oil Company continues its investigation. Texas Brine has accepted responsibility for this disaster but they failed to produce any results. The people of Bayou Corne in Assumption Parrish deserve better and it’s time for our government to help. There are questions regarding health and safety that are not being addressed.  It’s time to hold Texas Brine accountable for this environmental disaster. The fact that 300 people could not go home for the holidays means we aren’t doing enough. I encourage you find this story, read the articles, check out the videos, and spread the word. The people of Bayou Corne need our help America, thank you for signing.

Poignant Steps Around Our Father

Obituary for Manuel Rodriguez (February 12, 1948-May 16, 2012

 The following is the edited original paragraph of a story dedicated to Manuel Rodriguez. I have been omitted the first paragraph which was the set up for the dedication. You still check out the original Poignant Steps Around My Stalker if you wish which was posted on November 2, 2010. I have included the link to his obituary in which I had the honor to write even though it was something I wish I never had to do. To my family, Thank you for letting me share this. I will continue to update your words and posts in the future.

I have gained something unexpected from this situation. The father has become one of those repetitive words that were often a dream of mine even as a little kid. My stepfather has taught me more than my head could handle at times. He has been my source of sanity throughout the madness. He has said all the right words to keep me working through the situation versus quitting. The lessons were always there even when I was teenager. You got to understand at that time I still had hope that my biological father would step up. I am not putting the biological down he has been a good buddy and decent friend but a real man knows it takes more than that to be a father. My step-dad did the best he could with the bundle of damaged goods that fell from the sky into his old yellow van. He bought me my first pair of brand name sneakers when I was only the brother of the girl his son was dating.  I am almost sure they were a white pair of Reebok's but I got this black pair of black British Knights in my head. My mind was so closed then. I can only imagine what I would have learned with an open mind. My point is quite clear. I may have been through some major obstacles in what is hands down the greatest year of my life. Those obstacles have led me to finding the dream of finally being blessed with a man I can call Dad. I may still call you from your government name. I don't know call it my stubborn pride but in my head and heart I am calling you Dad. This is the story behind the show and it's dedicated to you with LOVE...

Sadly Manuel Rodriguez passed away on Wednesday May 16, 2012. I had just sat down with a friend and explained that he had a pacemaker put in the day before and was doing well. I was convinced that everything was going to be okay. I sat down for a rare lunch and I heard my oldest sister’s voice mail when I other sister called me. She told me what that he didn’t make it and the nightmare of losing someone I loved began. I have read this piece over and over again and remember how hard it was dealing with the situation above. The first call I would make was always to my mother’s house. Manuel would get on the phone with me and cut the wires of the ticking time bomb in my head. He was my greatest ally during this time. I remember he offered to drive me to this show and even offered me his vehicle to get to the Congress Theater that night. He understood what no one else seemed to get. He knew these shows were the fuel to my stories and wanted to hear the story afterwards. I believed things were going to be better with his health and had plans on giving him some more memories. I wish I would have had more to offer him when I was younger. I wish he would have been next to me at some of these events but I know he loved the stories. I would often go right over to my parent’s house share these stories with them as soon as I was done writing them.  He was the ultimate family man. He loved my mother so much and wanted to live just be sure she was taken care of and is still taking care of her even though he is gone. His life was incredible and he possessed all of the qualities a person needed to be looked at as a man. I am positive that these won’t be the last words I write regarding Manuel and I know his obituary will not be the last piece I ever write about him. I dedicated Poignant Steps Around My Stalker to him because he helped me overcome the situation above with success. I dedicate every word I word I write to him in the future and know he will be by my side at every event and show. This means I will cheer a little louder, sing along a little more, and be more of an example to the future I am blessed to be part of. I will continue to put my family first like he taught me and continue on my journey while sharing the story with people I love. “I will miss you Manuel and I promise you my mom is going to see places that give her new memories, she is going to be okay, and I know you will be there with us.” Love. 

Bueno! Bueno! Grandpa you are the talk of the town and your family is telling your story every day, we miss you and respect your legacy....

"Pa. You have once again taught me a lesson in life. That its to short and your never to old to say I love you. You are the man I will always look up to and thank you for being my father and never giving up on me. Until we meet again...

Love, Your son" -Manuel X. Rodriguez

 "Thank you all for all your kind words and wishes during this difficult time. Our hearts are all broken and we are still trying to cope with the sudden passing of my father in law this morning. This man was more than my father-in-law, as many of my family and friends know Manuel and MY mother met and then married a year after my husband and I. They have been married for 22 years. This is such a huge loss for all of us because he was such a wonderful Grandfather, Dad, and all around human being. He would do anything for anyone at the drop of a dime. I am at a loss of words." -Angie Rodriguez

My Father, May your soul rest in eternal peace forever. The last words you spoke to me were when I told you "I Love You"the night before you passed and you said " I Love You more Sweetie" I will cherish those words in my heart for the rest of my life. Our family will never be the same without you. Until we meet again...Your Daughter Yvette"- Yvette Markovic 

 "There comes a time in all of our lives when we have to say goodbye to someone whom we always thought to be invincible. I'd always hoped and prayed that the day would never come. But, now that it has I just wanted to make sure you know how grateful I am for all the love and support you've given me throughout my entire life. I want you to know that I will never ever forget you, you are one of my favorite people to have ever existed on the face of this earth. In between the tears are endless smiles, I have so many wonderful memories of you! I'm happy to know you're soul is safe and that you can finally rest peacefully. I will hold you in my heart until I see you again! I love you, Grandpa Manuel! ♥" -Ashley Rodriguez

"It's been extremely difficult. This has been my family's darkest hour. The love we have for Manuel is beyond comprehension. Manuel was first in line to ask me about every wrestling show, every concert, and every event I attended. He already knew I had story for him when he asked, "What have you been up to Mijo?" He always told me, “Do everything you want to do in life now.” He loved me but most importantly he loved my mother. She searched for love her whole life. He loved his son Zavie and his eyes would light up every time he talked about his son. He treated my sisters Yvette and Angie like daughters and me like a son. His love meant everything to me. He accepted me when I did the opposite of everything I was supposed to do. He supported me when I was a mess. He always believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. He made me the man I am today. I love you Manuel and will miss you every day. His obituary was the most difficult piece I have ever penned but I feel honored that my family allowed me to write it. I want to thank my family for being so strong and making me stronger in our darkest hour."-Christopher R. Garcia

  

"I love and miss you so, so much. RIP, grandpa. ♥"-Analyse Markovic 

"Hey Grandpa,
It's crazy... I never though I would have to talk to you without you physically standing hear next to me, listening to every word with an open heart. I know you ARE listening, but it's so difficult to speak when you're not hear to crack a joke at something I silly say.
I have keep reminding myself that you wouldn't want me crying for you though... You'd much rather see me smiling right now. In a sense, this gives me unimaginable comfort. I keep hearing "you look just like him!", and "the resemblance is uncanny!" and I just keep gleaming knowing that its just another part of you I will hold with me forever. It almost feels like since we look so much alike when I'm smiling, so are you! I guess it's silly things that comfort a person in times of distress... But hey, it helps. So, I guess I'll be seeing you on the flip side, huh? Well, you can wait, I'm sure. After all, a life time is only a drop in the sea of eternity.
See you soon, I love you grandpa!
~~~ Your little clone"

~ Xaundra Rodriguez

 "Grandpa when i see your face there is not a thing that i would change because your amazing just the way you are. Your only grandson."-Sage Rodriguez

This video really touched all of our hearts. Thank you Ashley!

A Life Well Lived, Grandpa Manuel - By Ashley Rodriguez 

Well Grandpa you continue to surprise us and set the example from beyond. You gave yet another moment that we will all remember. There were some tears because we all realized and understood that this was your last gift to us all. The tears quickly turned to smiles and gratitude as we searched my heads on ways to honor your wishes. The evidence was overwhelming that this was more than gift to us. There are talks of wedding which is proof that your family is making believers out of the world. Echoes and questions of, “What should I do with my life” filled the air. Your desire for us to do what we want is the next the chapter and I have feeling there will be some great highlights ahead. I will continue to tell you all about it and although I don’t have a specific memory in mind at the moment, I want to thank you in advance as our stories unfold.  -Christopher R. Garcia